Allison's Brain

Swimming in the Company Pool

So I've decided that the housekeeping lady, or to be more PC... the custodial artist, who deals with our bathroom at work is the most fascinating person to me, at this present time. In a recent survey, 9 times out of 10 times when I've gone to pee out my morning coffee around 11 a.m., she is in the bathroom, in the stall, doing her business. So the advice my dad gave me when I was choosing what to do when I grew up came to mind: "Find a way to get paid for doing what you love." As a hypochondriac, I thought of pursuing the medical arts, since I couldn't figure out how to get paid for talking on the phone... at least in a way that I would admit to. Then came my stint working in TV, because I love TV! Does anyone need a shoe model? Can I get paid for napping? No, but I did find a way to get paid for my skills on the keyboard. Bingo!

By my logic, I am left wondering... is the custodian secretly obsessed with peeing? Does she have over-active bowels? Is this a career choice, or a strategic lifestyle decision? I often think, does it bother her that she has to shit where she sleeps... almost literally? That sort of mental jolt I get from taking a break, sitting down for a tinkle, and reapplying my lipstick would be ruined if I spent all day in the bathroom.

The random survey also revealed that the 1/10 times she is not inside, she is standing just outside eating oatmeal. You know, the instant Quaker oatmeal that comes in a plastic bowl. Just add water. My detective skills say that she suffers from the c-word, but I'm just not satisfied with that diagnosis. Hmmm. I think that would be challenging to spend your 40 hour work week in a place that people get a sense of relief and happiness from visiting.

Like if I was paid to sit outside on a bench and watch cute guys in ties walk by, the occasional one smiling at me, giving me hope that I still have it.

One year and still going strong...

Ken and I celebrated the one year anniversary of our first date last week. Amazing it has been a year. I can't believe it. Although we took our time and didn't rush into anything at first, spacing our dates out over the course of several weeks, I knew after the 2nd date that he was a keeper. I'm a sucker for dimples what can I say? Oh and he has a cute tush to boot. This pic of us was taken at Rick and Kristina's wedding last summer. We like to say "you are cute" to each other. For instance, this is an actual IM conversation I just had with Ken about 2 seconds ago:

Ken Bloore: you are cute
Allison Drury: hahaha
Allison Drury: funny I was just blogging about that

How quickly time flies when you are having fun. Girls, this just goes to show that you can meet nice boys online. Yes you have to weed through the stragglers, but it's worth it. Sometimes. Ok, I got lucky. ;-)

FANtastic

aThis is the funniest clip I've seen on YouTube in a while. I'm crying right now. I LOVE his choreographed dance and the mud flap figure of a man on his tshirt. Hahaha.

Enjoy!

Miss America keep the Bedazzler in Business

Miss America was on last night and I'll admit I watched it for an hour or so. If for no other reason than to see what kind of talent these chicks brought to the competition. Boy... I was NOT disappointed. We got 3 singers, 2 of whom sucked outright in my American-Idol-schooled humble opinion. We got one classical pianist. Boring. And then the creme de la creme... the dancer. Miss Mississippi strutted onto the stage in her bedazzled, sequined, and flower embroidered black velvet body suit. You know her mom made it for her. She did not disappoint with her tap dance/modern routine to Prince's "Baby I'm a Star." I'm sure the vertically-challeneged one was cringing while I laughed hysterically.

Who are these women who compete in these pageants? Don't they know that they are way out of touch with mainstream America?? I realize that I live in Los Angeles, but I just refuse to believe that little girls across the country look up to these fake-baked, bouffant-haired, horribly dressed contestants. There was not a single gown that didn't include some sort of bling. Did Kayne from Project Runway have a hand in these costumes? I had hope for one girl who came out in a solid red dress, but then she turned and I noticed a sequined star sewn just above the slit in on the side. It was so obviously added on and was just awful. One girl had the cutest swimsuit on... something normal people would actually wear. She didn't make it to the top five though.

Simon Baker from America's Next Top Model was a judge... and I just know he was working hard to keep a straight face when the camera went in for his close up. Not one of these girls had any chance of being considered stylish. Mario Lopez was the host and did his best dimpled-ham-it-up best to keep things moving along. But still, all in all, it was just a giant bowl of queso. Bedazzled, polyestered, caramel dipped, cheese balls. At least Miss USA is a coke-snorting slut. Now that's something teens can really relate to.

777 is better than 666

I have 777 messages in my inbox. I don't know whether to be proud of the fun number combination or scared that I have that many messages to read. Most of them are after Xmas sale notices. I'm considering replying to JCrew, Bluefly.com, and Pier 1 to inform them that this is the year of living small for me. In an effort to combat global warming in my bedroom I'm reducing my materialstic consumptions. And that means no more clothes, shoes, bags, makeup products, or duvet covers for me. I'm also giving up diet coke for a month b/c I realized that I spend between $50-$100 a month on soda. That's equivalent to a lot of flip-flops, sale cardigan sweaters with cute embroidery, and meaningless tank tops that I will NOT be buying. No shopping. No shopping. No shopping. No whammies. But I could spend that money on other things, like my gym membership to reduce the iceberg sized nightmare that my ass has become. Or better yet put it toward the car payment I have yet to commit to. Or put it in savings for the ginormous tax bill I'm sure to owe this year thanks to my nice haul from writing TV shows. Or spend it on Busy Bones for Berkeley b/c she is absolutely not spoiled enough! Or I could adopt a poor starving child in Africa like Leo Dicaprio. <sigh> Or I could use it to pay for carpet tunnel syndrome surgery after clicking, reading, and deleting 777 emails. Ok ediets.com, your newsletter is the first to the trash bin. ;-)

Borat: The countdown begins

I haven't been this excited about anything since I found out that Ghost Hunters is back with a new season on the Sci-Fi channel. And that was just yesterday. But I am truly truly truly looking forward to Sasha Baron Cohen's new movie, Borat, which comes out tomorrow. In fact, I'm so excited about it that I've been reading reviews and articles about it all morning. Everything I have seen supports my theory that I will be doubled over, possibly rolling around in the aisle, with tears streaming down my face, for a full 90 minutes. Movies of such farcical genius make me sad for people who don't get or can't enjoy a good joke. What would my life be like without a good laugh in the face of how unpredictable and crazy people can be in real life? In other words, I get great enjoyment out of making fun of people and watching others do the same. This movie is all about that and so much more. If you haven't heard of it or don't know the plot summary, no worries. Just go see it. 24 hours left and counting...

Roger Ebert recuperating

Roger Ebert wrote a letter to the Chicago Sun Times to update readers on his condition. Apparently his surgeries for salivary cancer were more serious than we knew and he's been sedated, i.e. out of it, for most of July and August. But he assures us that he's fully mentally intact and is aiming to return to his review writing by the beginning of 2007. I've personally felt his absence because I read his reviews every Friday. I never miss it. His website editor has done a good job of taking over, but it's not the same. It kills me to think that he won't be reviewing movies coming out for awards season. I appreciate his perspective and often see the movies he recommends and avoid the ones he detests. I need to know... thumbs up or thumbs down!!!!!!!!!!! I have never wanted someone to give me the finger so badly in my life. But alas, I'll have to wait. In the mean time, join me in sending mental well wishes to the great one. Without him, my interest in movies has waned and therefore so have my movie reviews by the shoes. <sigh>

Allison Sighting!

I'm so famous, they named a plaza after me!!! ;-) Thanks to Ken for taking this photo near his office. I don't know why but it's always fun to see your name on something. For that reason I'm going to name my first born child "Shopping Center."

The Dalai Lama says I'm going to win the lotto!

I got this list of things prescribed by the Dalai Lama for 2006 from Miss Alla and it really hit home today.

INSTRUCTIONS  FOR  LIFE

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's:
--Respect for self,

--Respect for others, and
--Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful
stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great relationship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think
back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current
situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for
each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon

20. If Allison buys lottery tickets today, she will win.

Ok I added that last one myself. Heehee. Working sucks. I need to win. Come on big money! Big money! I bought $5 worth of tickets today and Mr. Lama would probably say that if I give them to a homeless person, good fortune will come my way. But I'm being selfish and keeping them for myself. However, I do promise to donate lots of money to charity if I do win. The lotto is up to $168 million... I only need a couple mill so I'm happy to split the pot. Think good thoughts for me. ;-) Happy Friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday Sept 14

I have nothing to say today other than that my office is empty except for me, it's deathly quiet, I'm wide awake and feeling motivated to work, and it's raining. I'm glad we got some rain this morning b/c it saved me a trip to the gas station to wash off my windshield. It really was getting so dirty that I couldn't see through it which makes driving difficult. ;-) I'm wearing the modern equivalent of sweat pants b/c my boss is on vacation and my coworker is out of the office. I feel like I'm working from home, except I have a full cafeteria of food downstairs to nourish me, unlike the empty cupboards and fridge in my kitchen. If only Berkeley were here to lay on my feet. And Brad Pitt was rubbing my shoulders. And I won tomorrow's 250 million dollar lottery...