Allison's Brain

The Schnitzen Turns 12!!!

Happy birthday to Berkeley
Happy birthday to Schnitzen
Happy birthday to Berkenschtoken Schnitzengruben Fahrfugnugen
Happy birthday to you!

Twelve years ago today, the world was blessed with the cutest, fluffiest, aggressive little ankle biter you've ever met. She is my best friend, my bed buddy, my electric blanket, my human kleenex, and my constant breakfast, lunch, and dinner companion.

Dog is my copilot.

Dog Playing With Ball

This video is so hilarious. It's a dog and his automatic ball thrower. Check it out.

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Seriously...

Does it get any better than this?

Or this?

(Well, except for this...)

Yeah, I didn't think so.

Scooby Snacks

Berkeley usually serves as a source of unending cuteness and total charm. From cuddling up to my dirty clothes to licking the blood from a scratch on my arm, she never ceases to prove how sweet and loyal a dog can be. HOWEVER, last night I had to draw the line when I watched her eat something I will never forget. We've all heard stories or seen our own dogs eat crickets, spiders, grass, snakes, and some even claim other dog's poop. Ok yes. The last one is super gross. I admit I often share a spoon with Berk even though I know that her tongue may have just been licking her butt. I only do this because it has been proven over and over again that a dog's mouth is cleaner than a human's... and because it's so cute to watch her lick things off of my spoon. I won't be offering up the last blob of frozen yogurt to her anytime soon though. As I was working away last night on a big report while sitting on the couch with Legally Blonde on the tube, I saw the first signs that all was not well with the pooch. Her tummy started to twitch and then wretch. She sat up just in time to regurgitate what looked like a blob of undigested food. Honestly, she throws up occasionally. Usually it's messy and annoying. This time it was well contained and relatively normal looking. Score! I comforted her and made sure she was ok before I walked to the kitchen to get a paper towel. However, when I returned to the scene of the crime, the evidence was gone. It vanished with barely a discolored mark on the fabric left to prove its existence. After much thought and consideration, I came to the conclusion that she had eaten it. SHE ATE HER OWN THROW UP. Ew. Ew. EW.

By consulting the internet, I have learned that it is normal for dogs to eat poop and vomit. In the old days, a mom dog would eat food then regurgitate it for her pups to eat. The pre-digested food is easier for them to process. So evolutionarily it makes sense. But Berkeley is not exactly wandering the plains of Los Angeles looking for her next meal. If she were desperate I learned that poop is an excellent source of vitamins, nutrients, fatty acids, and fiber. Ok let's file that in the "didn't need to know" category. It's not 1943 and she's not hunting rats in the trenches of der Fatherland. She's hanging out, eating carrots and apples on a cush sofa. Enough with the "prisoner tactics." Since this nastiness has convinced me (mostly) that she truly is a dog and not a human burried in a fuzzy grey sweater, you can be sure that I will never leave Berkeley alone with her excrement or her digestive refuse because she cannot be trusted. And while that reality does sort of sadden me, I'm happy to know this is the first time in 10 years that I have witnessed this behavior. Now I'll spend the next 10 years trying to erase this memory so that we can once again share a popsicle stick in peace.

Priceless

Little Miss Berkenschtoken Schnitzengruben Fahrfugnugen and I spent some quality time at our local vet this weekend... and some quality cashola. It went something like this:

Pre-teeth cleaning blood work: 125 dollars

Whoops! Sinus infection! Ear culture, eye exam, antibiotics and eye drops: 275 dollars

Ear irrigation, teeth cleaning, IV fluid treatment: 315 dollars

Tooth extractions, antibiotic shot, and soft cans of food: 165 dollars

Total: 880 dollars

Having my baby home with clean sinuses and pearly teeth: PRICELESS

Having to wait another month to buy that new car: SUCKY

Bless this pet...

The city of Long Beach is holding the 2nd largest event in the country aimed at making sure Fido is living a chaste and holy life and forgiving him of all of his transgressions. It's called the InterFaith Blessing of the Animals. The website says:

Seniors, families, singles, and children, are encouraged to bring their dogs, cats, birds, lizards, rabbits, pot-bellied pigs, fish, tortoises and turtles and other well-behaved pets. After brief words from each of the seven faith leaders, the menagerie of participants will have the opportunity to line up single-file to be blessed by the faith leaders who will be dressed in traditional garb. Olive branches and holy water will be available.

Uh, what happens when Toonses decides to drink the holy water? Will she get cast into hell? I don't like that they are restricting this to "well-behaved" pets. I couldn't guarantee that Berkeley wouldn't try to procreate with other dogs or show her 11 teets to the flock of male animals. I mean, she is a dog, and therefore does not know how to disguise her basic needs. When she needs to poop, she poops. When she needs to hump your leg, she humps. Will Bishop Brian Delvaux forgive her for doing the wheelbarrow in a Tortoise's face?

I think we'll pass on the blessing, although Berkeley is getting up there in years and could use some reassurance she will be ushered into the pearly, rawhide gates, for the after party. I'll say a prayer for her and sprinkle faucet water on her. She won't know any different. 

Acey in the McHole-sy

After proclaiming just a few days before that a puppy was out of the question, my good friend JennChantal brought home this butterscotch treat of a puppy from her local Petco. I mean I really can't blame her... how could you resist such a sweet little ball of fur??

Acey Deucey McHolsey is a terrier mix of unknown proportions, but what is known is that she is 100% adorable. This card carrying member of the 4th street poker tour and official mascot loves to sleep just about anywhere, especially on her matching camouflage couch. But don't let her relaxed demeanor fool you. When that nap is over, she is ready for some play time with a toy from her own line of stuffed cards or even something as simple as a tennis ball. And like a good poker player, just when you think you've got her figured out, she keeps you guessing... like licking your face madly just seconds before nodding off for her 20th nap of the day... at least once with her little wet muzzle tucked under the collar of my shirt. I'm in love. Can I get a woof woof? Acey, you are officially welcomed to the dog pound!

Dogster

Berkeley has joined the awesome website Dogster. To see her profile click here. Dogster is the hilarious website dedicated to people who love their dogs alot! So that means I'm in. It functions basically the same way as Friendster or MySpace, so Berk will be able to make friends, display pictures, and share interesting tidbits about her life. Unfortunately she doesn't know anything about any of this stuff b/c she doesn't know how to use a computer or for that matter how to comprehend a picture of herself or anyone else. Fortunately I'm all too eager to share her lifestory, as exciting as it is, with others who want to read about it. So if you have a pet, get on it! Then send us a request to be friends. It's fun!

Berkeley celebrates a decade

Berkeley celebrated her 10th birthday this weekend in style. The original plan was for her to visit the groomers on Saturday, but mommy had a hangover and couldn't pry herself out of bed by 10AM. So no spa appointment this weekend. Instead, I cut the burrs out of her beard myself after lubing it up with some water. Done! It sort of worked out better anyway because any cleaning and primping would have been ruined by our trip to the dog park. Several big dogs were stirring up the dirt and grass and there seemed to be quite a few fights brewing amongst dogs twice her size. So we moved over to the small dog area and were pleased to meet a 9 month old schnauzer puppy named Gracie. We both watched the pup run like the wind for at least 20 minutes. Berkeley finally decided to get off her lazy butt and play for about 5 minutes before returning to her post right next to my leg. But when Gracie and another dog got into a scrap, Berk jumped up to back her up. With her excellent German intimidation techniques (most likely inherited from her ancestors who served in the war), both dogs quieted the intruder and returned to their previous position. We were sad to say goodbye to such a sprite young girl, but 2 beef-filled bones were waiting for Miss Thang at home. The next day started with a 30 minute run/walk and ended with the same. We both felt like our reward of Taco Bell nachos and Haagen-Dazs raspberry/vanilla swirl was justified (two of Berk's favorite foods to mooch off of me). After such an exciting celebration, Berkeley crapped out on the bed, happy and content to have made it through the weekend without a single regurgitation and to have experienced such a monumental milestone. I was happy and content to have such a great partner in crime warming up the sheets for me, and thankful that my best friend is such a sweetie.

Toonses, the driving dog

I don't know why, but for some reason the images of this dog sitting in the driver's seat of his owner's vintage Bronco, strapped in with seat belts made me laugh for hours. Lisa Loohoo and I went to one of our favorite TexMex restaurants last night for some ritas and queso. And there was Toonses, the driving dog, just hanging out in the parking lot. The pics don't really capture the situation as well as I would have liked. From our vantage point in her car, it really looked like the dog was driving. As I approached to snap his pic, he got all excited and refused to resume his position of "paws on wheel" although I begged and begged. I'm not sure who the pooch belonged to, but it made me laugh he was just patiently waiting in the car to drive his master home.