Allison's Brain

The Oscars are Bor-ing

Thank God for Jon Stewart. He did his job as Oscar host quite well: He made us laugh, moved the action along, and smirked at all the right times. For instance, this hilarious quip after the beautiful, soulful, gospel song from August Rush was performed:

“You know that’s an inspirational song when you’ve got Hal Holbrook doing the cabbage patch in the aisles. Helen Mirren, you just got served.”

Hahahaha. Love it! Unfortunately the rest of the show was not as exciting. Is it just me or are the Oscars getting more and more boring every year? We need more absolute joy and out-of-body craziness, ala the clip of Cuba Gooding, Jr. accepting his award for Jerry Maguire in which he thanked everyone and then everyone else. There were a few cute speeches but nothing we’ll be talking about in years to come. Remember the year that the winning costume designer showed up in a dress made out of dollar bills? That’s what I’m talking about. With so much banality, I almost miss Joan Rivers.

So let’s chat about the red carpet, shall we? I’ll admit, I watched every moment of E!’s two-hour Live From the Red Carpet broadcast, while I Tivoed and fast-forwarded through most of the Oscar broadcast. The fashion show is where it’s at, and this year did NOT disappoint. First, what the hell happened to Calista Flockhart’s hair? She looked like my grandmother after a roll in the hay with the neighbor’s

gardner

. Was she trying to match her steely ‘do to Harrison Ford’s salt and pepper shade? Did they just have sex in the limo? Ew. Has she heard of hairspray? All wrong.

The asshole of the year award goes to Gary Busey. If you didn’t watch Ryan Seacrest hamming it up on E!, you might not have heard this story. I’ll summarize: Gary Busey is on crack or some other drug and decides to start yelling at Ryan while he’s interviewing Laura Linney and Jennifer Gardner. Yelling. In hindsight, I think he thought he was talking to Ryan, but to everyone else it sounded like yelling. Someone forgot to use his inside voice.

Now the crazy part. When Ryan ignores him, Mr. Busey decides to join the conversation, uninvited. He says hello to both actresses, shakes Ryan’s hand, and then inexplicably gives Jennifer G. a bear hug/cops a feel and kisses her on the neck. How odd and overly familiar. The look on her face was priceless: genuine shock, then horror, then disgust. As she tries to continue chatting with Ryan, she fully admits that she “can’t quite figure out why that man just kissed me on the neck.” Two things: he’s a freak and she obviously didn’t recognize him in all of his disheveled mania. Cut to Ryan talking to his co-host Guiliana about the incident when Ryan says that he’s never even met Gary Busey. WTF? What I want to know is how did he even get in to the Oscars? Don’t they have bouncers? The Academy Awards has to have the tightest velvet rope policy in town. C’mon!

In closing, most of the dresses were safe = boring. The acceptance speeches were safe = boring. Jon Stewart rules. I love Seth Rogen and Jonah Hill… and want to have 10,000 of their stoner babies.

Tubby Tom

Tom Cruise looks absolutely disgusting in this pic. Here's why:

1. He looks to be hitting the buffet line really hard.
2. That vest ages him by about 25 years.
3. His arm candy appears young enough to be his daughter, rather than his wife.
4. His hair looks like an exact replica of a style worn by his mother.
5. There's not an ounce of sex appeal left in his body.

Dear Tom, please do something with yourself. Lose the vest. Find your waistline. Get to a gym stat. People are forced to look at you in gossip magazines every week, and we just can't stomach shots like these. We thank you!

Ocean's 13

Can I just say WOW? Why do I suddenly feel like being in an airport wouldn't be so bad? If I happened to be strolling through a terminal looking for a magazine shop and minding the boarding call for my flight... and I walked by these tall drinks of water... I might find myself suddenly lacking any clothing at all. I'm not a huge fan of the Ocean's movies, but I might just have to see this one thanks to this one photo. Good job marketing people!

Britney in Rehab FINALLY

In case you've been under a rock for the last few days, Britney Spears has been going through a very public breakdown. Honestly, if she didn't have two kids to care for, I'd just say she's having some young, 25 year-old fun. Plenty of us have shaved our heads or our eyebrows, gotten a tattoo or a piercing, or partied a little too hard. However, the latest stories claiming that she was crying and saying that nobody wants her anymore while being denied a hotel room for no credit card or any other identification certainly spells C-R-I-S-I-S. If a well-known celeb can't secure a suite with her mere presence... it's time to call it a day. Reportedly, the staff at the Mondrian was concerned about her intoxicated appearance and what her sure-to-be-continued-partying would do to their nice little room... so she was denied. That apparently was the last straw.

You know when you're having a bad day and the world seems to be against you and you cancel plans with your friends and stay home with a nice tub of Ben & Jerry's and a Hugh Grant movie? Well, Britney didn't get the memo. Instead she goes out in public and makes a fool of herself by shaving her own hair off because her extensions were itching and she's tired of people touching her. I guess this little shenanigan got back to mommy in Kentwood, LA who has swooped in for the rescue. Time for little Brit Brit to take a nice long nap in a straight jacket. I hope she rests comfortably and stays in there long enough to kick her rumored cocaine habit and regrow some hair. Some people just do not look good with a buzz cut.

Larry Rudolph, Britney's manager, just released the following statement:

"Britney Spears has voluntarily checked herself into an undisclosed rehab facility today. We ask that the media respect her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time."

I'M the baby daddy!

The mania surrounding Anna Nicole's death and the true identity of her baby's father is out... of... control! I thought it was basically a tete-a-tete between Larry Birkhead and Howard K. Stern. Not so much. Now... Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband is throwing his DNA into the ring. Apparently he'd been having an affair with Anna Nicole for 10 years and says he was with her around the time she conceived the world's-most-in-demand-child. Have you ever seen so many guys desperate to be the father of an illegitimate kid??? There's plenty of babies without daddies. Then again... this one might be the sole heir to lots 'o' phat chedder... which I guess proves the point that men are gold diggers too. Shoot, I'll be the baby daddy if I can get a new car out of the deal. Test my DNA! I beg you!!!!!!!!!!!

Oscar... where is the Dreamy love?

The Oscar noms were announced today and Dreamgirls did NOT get a bid for Best Picture. Shocker! Although it did win the Golden Globe in the Best comedy/musical category, beating Little Miss Sunshine, which amazingly did get an Oscar nom. Hmmmm. I say, hmmmm. These academy voters are tricky! Matt correctly stated that Dreamgirls was good, but it may not have been in the top 5 best movies of the year... more like top 10. And in Academy-land, only 5 rise to the top. Jennifer Hudson and Eddie Murphy were nominated for their supporting roles and Beyonce will get to attend the ceremony to sing her showpiece song. So everyone is happy... mostly.

In other news... LIttle Miss Sunshine was not only nominated for Best Picture, but also scored noms for little Abigail Breslin, the 10 year old who stole the movie! You go girl. Her raunchy dirty old grandpa, played by Alan Arkin, also was nominated. Kick ass. I don't think anyone would have bet on these most interesting developments! I couldn't be more happy. That movie rocked! Thanks to Lisa I now own it on DVD!!

Last thoughts... I'm glad Leo got nominated for Blood Diamond, which I saw this past weekend, but honestly he was better in the Departed. He surprised the hell out of me with his acting chops this year. I'm now an official Leo fan and I feel that enough time has passed since Titanic that I can make that statement without sounding like a 14 year old girl who has her first movie star crush. However like a pimply teenage drama queen, I am super excited to see him in a suit again, with his hair perfectly coifed and his choppers all white and smiling. Yum-my!

Although the Oscar awards show may be one of my faves... I fear it might be as boring as the Globes since the major acting categories are all but decided. The same 4 who won Globes look to win Oscars. The real contest is Best Picture and Best Director. I vote for the Departed and Martin Scorcese. Killer movie. Literally. Might have to Tivo this one so I can skip through the boring parts again. <sigh> But you know I'll be glued to the preshow for the fashion extravaganza! Bring on Cher and something shocking!!

Seacrest In!

I never thought I'd be so happy to support Ryan Seacrest. He bugs... and lies about his age. And is sort of cheesy. But I have warmed up to him a bit since he called Angelina Jolie to the carpet about her red carpet participation... or lack thereof. HA! How you like them apples Angie? Read it and weep!

http://www.usmagazine.com/ryan_seacrest_0

Rehab? SHOCKING!

Lindsay Lohon has officially entered rehab. I'm shocked... totally surprised... didn't see it coming. Ha! At the tender age of 20 she has drunk and snorted her way through Hollywood, landing on the doorstep of the Wonderland Center, for someone with a degree in setting boundaries to deal with (something her parents appear unable to do!!) I think her mom could join her, quite frankly, and learn a thing or two about self control since she's also been seen out shaking her booty at all hours of the night. The warning signs were printed on the underwear she left at home... Clint's sister reportedly witnessed Miss Lohan partaking in some nose candy in the bathroom of a NYC restaurant a few years ago. And who can forget how thin she became... a good gust of Santa Anna wind and she was a gonner.

In just a few years in LaLa land LiLo has shown us just about everything she has to offer (boobies, crotch, tattoos) except her reported talent. She went from Freaky Friday to Scary Skinny with a few good titles to be proud of... noticeably Mean Girls. Loved her in that. In fact it was on TV a few weeks ago and I remember thinking how good she looked and natural she is on camera. But most of her films have bombed and she has yet to be taken seriously. Apparently, the booze and blow and all-night parties got in the way of her career. <Yawn> Duh, duh, duh. Another one bites the dust. Duh, duh, duh. Another one bites the dust. And another one falls, and another one falls...

I predict: Britney is next!

P.S. I find it more amusing than I should that the clock on my computer reads 4:20 right now. Heehee.

Sightings!

As I was working hard on the treadmill at my gym the other day to get rid of that extra person in my tummy, I saw someone I recognized out of the corner of my eye. As he got closer I realized it was Matt. <Waving> And he looks good! Hadn't seen him in a while. We chatted, we gossiped, we compared sob stories about how lazy we are. It was a short conversation but sweet in nature. We said our goodbyes and as I began walking away he mentioned very casually, off the cuff, as if it didn't really matter, that the Freddie Prinze Jr. was working out on the machine just in front of us. HELLO!!!!!!!!!! Very important information for me to have here. So I quickly came up with a reason to stare and admire the nice toned back muscles and tushy on Mr. Sarah Michelle Gellar. Then as I walked away I made sure to crane my neck over my shoulder very nonchalantly so I could get a front view. Not bad. Not great, not bad.

In other news... went to dinner on Sat night to celebrate Kristina's bday. Happy bday girl. As I walked to the bathroom I noticed Holly Maric Combs of Charmed sitting with her pony-tailed, kind of trashy looking husband, and their two kiddos. Hmmm. She could do better. He must be great in bed. ;-)

The Donald goes mad and I love it!

This fight between Rose O'Donnell and Donald Trump has gotten out of control... in a good way. Although both of them are behaving like 5 year olds, it's hilarious to see them duking it out through the media over such silliness. Honestly, at this very moment, I can't even remember why it started. And even more honestly, who cares? The fact is they are tearing each other to shreds like a couple of dueling rappers in Eight Mile. After yesterday's letter from the Donald, I'd say Donald is winning. Not that his writing style or content is better, but he seems to me to be the one telling the truth. Donald is not one to shy away from calling Hollywood people out when they brown nose him to save face. Remember Martha Stewart? I think it's hilarious that he's busting Barbara Walters for talking out of both sides of her mouth. She probably did tell him all of those things to assuage him, and then turned around and told Rosie what she wanted to hear. It's called smoothing things over or saving face, and everyone does it. And Donny Boy obviously doesn't appreciate it. To thicken the feudal stew, Babs and Rosie joined forces on the View today to dispute Don's claims. Whatever. I don't believe either one of them. Rosie annoys the hell out of me and is so two-faced herself for accusing Kelly Ripa of homophobia all the while being racist against asians and not owning up to it. And Barbara is who she is: an old bag who knows how to play the game... and knows how to get ratings for her show. We learned that when the dirt came out about how she got rid of Star Jones. Anyhoo, enought about all of this. I'd like to see them all participate in a public debate, presidential nominee style, with Borat as the moderator. Now that would be must see TV!